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Why People Pleasers Have Unspoken Expectations

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People pleasing often looks like kindness, but it is often driven by hidden expectations and the fear of rejection. Many people pleasers seek approval, hoping others will value them in return. A Personal Realization I felt surprised when my friend once said, “A person who is kind is a better friend than a person who is just nice.” It made me stop and think, aren’t kindness and niceness the same thing? That question made me realize something important: people pleasing do not come alone. It often comes with unspoken expectations. At first, helping others, saying yes, and always being available may look like kindness. But sometimes, behind that behavior, there is a hidden emotional contract, an unspoken hope that if we keep others happy, they will love us, choose us, or stay for us. That is where people pleasing begins. What Is People Pleasing Behavior? People pleasing is when someone prioritizes keeping others comfortable, approved, or happy, sometimes at the cost of their own needs, bou...
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How to Stop Expecting Too Much from People

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A Personal Realization Before I realized this simple truth, I used to unconsciously expect certain things from people. I expected my friends to give me attention, text me without asking, and understand me without any explanation. And then, who ended up crying at the end? Obviously, me. Why Do We Expect So Much from People? Expectations are the things we want from people or situations. We want them to act in a certain way that feels comfortable and predictable to us. But why? Because uncertainty makes us anxious. This actually has a name in psychology, Julian Rotter's concept of Locus of Control found that people who feel less in control of their lives tend to create more external expectations as a way to cope. So when we expect our friend to text first or expect someone to understand us without explanation, our brain isn't being needy, it's just trying to feel safe.  (Source: Rotter, J.B. (1954). Social Learning and Clinical Psychology.) When we don’t know what will happen...
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How Expectations Shape Happiness and Sadness

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I remember when someone liked me and I felt nothing. It made me wonder, how do expectations shape our happiness and sadness so deeply? Why does love sometimes feel like a burden instead of joy?  Lets find it out before my chai cools down!! Why Expectations Shape Our Emotions From the moment we are born, we experience both love and hate. When I was a child, I loved my oil pastel colors, to the fact that I kept it beside me when I used to sleep, but I hated green vegetables, even though they are beneficial. We grow up forming likes and dislikes, attachments and aversions. Love and hate are natural. They are constant, they have always existed, and they always will. But despite being so powerful, they are not what truly break us. And here enters the controller, our “EXPECTATIONS”. Love vs Expectations: What Really Creates Happiness? We assume love brings happiness. But does it always? When the boy from section B came with a rose in front of me, that didn’t make me happy. But when my cr...
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