How Expectations Create Unnecessary Pain in Life

What is conditional positive regard? Conditional positive regard, a concept introduced by psychologist Carl Rogers, is when love, approval, or affection is given only when certain conditions are met, a grade, a behaviour, a performance. The opposite, unconditional positive regard, means being loved and accepted simply for who you are, with no conditions attached. Most of us were raised somewhere in between. This article is about what that costs us, and how we begin to find our way back.  You Didn’t Learn to Love Yourself. You Learned to Earn It. - My personal realization I used to paint and feel something warm and quiet in my chest, and in the same breath, dismiss it. Not out loud. For me it wasn’t an achievement. I thought anyone could do it. I didn’t need praise for normal. Why? It didn’t have a grade on it. Nobody clapped. So somewhere in my head, it simply didn’t exist. But now I do understand how I had connected my worth with the appreciation I received, exactly what Carl Rog...